Life sometimes can put you into a corner. And no I’m not speaking metaphors, I’ve literally had my back up against the wall. Contemplating life and wondering should I end it all. The story of the underdog is always fighting the odds, they stay stacked up against him. People always doubting and pretending to be friends. They smile in your face and behind the look in their eyes their smiles are filled with hate. Because to see you succeed means they life isn’t as great as it seems. They despise every choice you make and pray for your downfall, they love to see you make mistakes. This is human nature, people can really suck. So ignore the fake and embrace the real……
Dear depression,You are my best friend. You’ve been down since day one and you’ll be loyal until the end. I first became cool with you back in grade 10. I got cut from the team and the shit just didn’t make sense. I lost interest in everyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I don’t remember ever leaving the house once I got home from school. Life just sucked and things weren’t so good. But you were by my side and always down to ride. My relationship with you has survived the times. You wiped the tears from my eyes when I found out she lied. The pain ripped me apart inside. No lie, I just wanted to die. I checked myself into that hospital to escape the world, I was trying to hide. Especially from you, but you stayed true. I was down in the dumps and I couldn’t pull myself through. Feeling blue I’ve always attached myself to you. Your the first person I see when life gets too hard for me. I’ve tried to be free but our toxic relationship always gets ahold of me. You are my everything and yet you mean nothing. You’ve always been jealous of Happiness, forever mortal enemies. Every time he comes around you always put on a frown. His presence annoys you but I enjoy the energy he brings. He makes me smile while all you do is make me weep. I love you more than I will like to admit. I’m so used to you being around that you’re my best and longest relationship. No one else has been as loyal as you. So cheers to our past, present, and future. Always stay blue!
Being an introvert, I struggle with small talk. But deep conversations is where I earn your heart.
I want to hangout with my friends but I can’t. I want to be at home alone playing my video games, man. I got plans to lay around on my couch, binge watching Netflix series and living carefree with no doubts. I have a hard time going out. Socializing at a bar just seems like that’s something I’m not about. Most of the time my head will be up in the clouds as I ponder my existence, if aliens are real, and what I plan to do once I get back to my house. I’m weird I know. I don’t feel like I fit in. I’m wondering half the time am I even consider a human being. It might sound silly but the thoughts I have put me in a class by myself separate from all the billions of people living. Don’t even get me started on my lack of relationships. Dating is a concept that I just seem to struggle with. Always juggle the idea of dating or staying single. Like yea a woman would be nice but then she’ll prolly talk to damn much. A lot of nothing stuff coming out of her mouth meanwhile I’ll want to talk about government conspiracies. Let’s be honest, who the hell wants to hear someone go on about how the food and water supply is poisoned. Thus single is the zone and the place I call home. Being an introvert might seem tough or rough but my life is awesome, cuz honestly, I just don’t give a fuck 😂😂
A dedication to American ghettos…I was once just as guilty as you 😔…
-It’s something I should understand, but something I never understood.
-Why would the disenfranchised brag about being from da hood? 🤔
-At what age should we learn what’s a ghetto to a Jew? 🤔
-What justifies a heaven-sent presence when you sacrificed, threatened and abused?
-I’m guessing you confused cause your blessings and lessons getting skewed.
-Cause you guessing the predicament you sensing you’ve been left in isn’t intentionally used
-to conform the shapeless to perform racist and tasteless acts.
-Claiming the basis is traditional racism ignoring the subliminal claim that we’ve become racist blacks. 🤔
-Outside of a news feed, whose seen, a white dude scream for a black dude to freeze
-as the black dude screamed “I’m not trying to fight you!” as that white dude, who squeezed a few times,
-as the camera just rolled and saw that black dude die? 🤔
-Well, before the twelfth grade, I knew a few teens who died and their killers’ pigment.
-But in the ghetto since theres no snitching we don’t know who did it but I know who didn’t.
-It isn’t shocking that when I chose to get a job rather than hit the block I remember getting stopped
-then getting robbed. Shit, give up the cash or risk getting shot; that’s the rule, is it not?
-I can’t tell you who did it, but we all know who didn’t.
-And we used laugh at the crack heads getting rock, and the coke heads who’d sniff a lot,
-the local drunks who’d sip a lot. Even the dope fiends and their long-sleeves.
-Damn it, I went on a tangent, where was I?…something about….not understanding, oh
-oh, something i never understood…and ghettos…..to a Jew and bragging about being from the hood…Oh yeah.
-I’m mean….sure….we could make it about color but I wonder about how we’ve done us.
-Most believe our news feed then cant believe how others do not love us
-We live like “fuck us” and others seem to say ‘fuck ’em’; how we treat us condones this to me.
-Sure, you want to agree to disagree with what you see but according to what you see the others don’t disagree.
-I can mentally deeply sense new enemies dissing me.
-I could consciously not care cause most are consciously not here. And you have no idea what it’s like to live as me.
-*Damn it, another tangent. I know your sensitive but keep it relative.*
-*ask them what’s a ghetto to a Jew* why a ghetto for us? what’s a ghetto to a Jew?
-Deliberate conditions, systematic poverty, false honesty, limited vision,
-disease and drugs, American famine, exhausted police, imported guns intended for children,
-a fortress for bums, merge gorgeous and slums. Force horror stories as a norm,
-shorties having shorties therefore more shorties being born.
-It ain’t fair, we ain’t well but those on welfare don’t care.
-Can’t you see that’s beauty’s in the eye in the beady the ‘I-have-lost-hope’ glare?
-I wonder if you chose to hustle or if you were chose to struggle. 🤔
-Did you develop hate for those like you cause you weren’t taught to love you? 🤔
-You worship the money you never get and know is never coming. The money the once poor got then felt worse. 🤔
-They forced you to correlate a means of trade not designed for you, except for when BUYING you, with your self worth. 🤔
-*be honest with them* and you’ll never reach your dreams; your ambition is pointless
-when your dreams are based on the same volume-controlled idiot box that renders who you represent voiceless. 🤔
-The same television you scream at when someone like you gets shot down is where you developing and setting your dreams at.
-That’s where you want a shot at, where your sense of success is seen at, like they haven’t told you “what your talent mean? You act as if your not black.”
-A man alluded to me being called a sell out for my white wife. It’s not that.
-Man is allowed to their opinion and I can’t stop that.
-I’m just sure of an aura and sure there’s no color to another human’s energy.
-And I just don’t allow the same thoughts that limit you to limit me.
-And I expose the souls that you don’t know that lives in you and lives in me.
-I speak from a position of empathy cause the same shit the concept of a ghetto did to you, THAT SHIT DID TO ME!
-We didn’t create us. But it’s like they made us.
-We beg for a mortal savior to save us.
-Cause that’s how they trained us.
-With our survival instincts it’s like God has said “They’ll learn to save themselves”.
-Please understand the population who loves themselves isn’t treated the same as the population who hates themselves.
*walks away on his lonely road*
Most of my ‘they’ and ‘them’ references are whoever you consider to be holding you back in life…
I’m trying to escape the stress of work before I go berserk in that place that I hate. I swear they are driving me insane. I need to get away, ride off into the sunset or take a trip that’s far and requires me to use a plane. I want to escape society and all the atrocities that is displayed on the news and social media daily. Everywhere you look there’s always pain and suffering but never any answer to the question of “Why is this happening?”. I’m beyond frustrated. My blood pressure is already elevated from a mystery heart condition that doctors have not yet evaluated correctly because no one is paying attention to a god damn thing that’s right in front of them. You pray for a sign but ignore what is presented to your eyes and mind. In this life we use substances as a tool to get us high just so we can try to get by with the daily routines in which we call our “life”. Surprise, surprise this can’t be life. So I’m looking for a place to run away to and hide. Maybe I can escape somewhere within in the depths of my own mind. Find peace and tranquility which exists in my own subconscious. Search my soul for a place I call home. I know the only drug that we need to use to escape is LOVE. It will always help you get through.
I wish I could be home for the holidays. I’m sad to say that its not happening. I feel bad for all the sadness my absence will bring. If I could take it all back I would. But maybe this has all happened for a reason to bring about change and mend the broken bridge that was created in my family. When they open up their gifts tomorrow I know my presents may not be perfect but the thought and love I put into each gift I want you to know it signifies my endless love for you and the kids. There will never be enough words in any human language to describe how much I love yall and how bad this hurts, shit. I swear I will always try to be there and cherish every moment for the rest of our existence. I can not change the past but I can make a choice in the present that will echo waves into the future. So when these words are read please hear my voice in your head and keep my love in your heart. Forgive me for us being apart. I love yall! ❤️❤️❤️